I feel good today. We had a good staff meeting this morning. My senior pastor wasn't there, and it worked out kind of well that he wasn't. He tends to dominate conversations even more than I do. Without him there, though, I shared a lot my thoughts and convictions about a more simple church. It was a very cool moment. There were some times where I definitely felt the Holy Spirit empowering me to speak. Donna and Larry also interacted with me. It wasn't just me preaching. It was a good discussion that I "led" in a sense. I wonder if our senior pastor will be upset that we had such a good meeting without him. I don't know for sure, but I hope not. I'm excited for all that God is doing amongst our leaders right now.

I am preaching this Sunday. After reading the last two chapters of Dallas Willard's Renovation of the Heart, I have been inspired to trash my work up to this point in order to do a new sermon entirely. I'm physically tired right now and I don't really feel like working on it today. Tomorrow I hope to hammer it all out and then work on committing it to memory.

My son is getting bigger. Its truly amazing how fast infants grow. He is looking around a lot more. I can't wait until he smiles for the first time. He gives me so much joy.

I am very angry right now. I know that I just had a son and that my life is very different than what it was two weeks ago, but right now, I am just very angry. You see, I just found out that one of my friends is very glad that he is not married to my wife, Kim, because she controls me too much. For some reason, this just infuriates me. I honest want to pummel him in the face. It doesn't matter to me that his wife completely controls him, and that our friendship is nearly non-existent because of her, I'm still mad. I'm not sure why this hurts so much. Maybe its because he keeps calling and inviting himself over so that he can either see my pregnant wife or my new son. I'm pretty sure that the only reason that he wants to do this is so that he and his wife can have a better idea what having a child is like. I feel as if the only times I am contacted by him are when he has something to gain from the situation. I'm not sure why I despise him so much right now. I'm not sure why I can't be more Christ-like about this. Why can't I forgive him for something so seemingly silly? Kim isn't angry about it, why should I be?

My son is beautiful. His birth didn't make me cry like I thought it would. Heck, Pearl Harbor made me cry like a little girl. Right now, my emotional attatchment to him isn't nearly as strong as other attatchments. I have a very strong sense of the fact that I am this person's human father. I have great responsibilities to raise him into a virtuous man. I have strong desires to protect him. He is awesome.

I feel like I'm drifting into another midlife crisis. Why is it that I have to be so obsessed with meaningful employment? Or, if not meaningful employment, well paying employment. I want to be able to provide well for my family and share money with the poor if I cannot have a meaningful job. I want to pull my hair out half the time. But I'm growing it out right now, so I'll wait.