Thanks to those who left comments. It has helped to validate my life. I'm only partly kidding. I have had an unnatural optimism lately. Perhaps it is supernatural. I am humbled by the people who love me and pray for me.

I met with the senior minister from a church here in Gilbert today. We had lunch and we talked about their recent church split. It was sad, but not altogether unbelievable. I know what church folk are capable of. We also talked about me coming on board and working there part time. It wouldn't pay much, but I am feeling led by God to investigate it. Really. I almost feel called there. This doesn't help me in my efforts to be a part of a house church, but I really need to relinquish those dreams back to God anyway. Somewhere along the line, I took them out of His hands and tweaked them for myself.

I feel the burden of my calling a lot more lately. For a while there, I was beginning to believe that I had misunderstood my calling. But, the more that I looked into strictly secular work, the more I was convicted that God would rather have my contribution to society to be more in a professional ministry sense. I don't really get this. Its as if my mind and my heart (spiritual ears?) are at war with each other.

God is good and He continues to speak to me. I would be wise to listen.