Why is inspiration so fleeting? Why can't I stay passionate for more than a moment? Is it just self-discipline? Is it just God's happenstance choices? How do I become more like Jesus? My heart is so black at times. At best, it is grey. Yet, at the same time that I know this, I see others who are even more evil. Arab terrorist make me whince when I ponder God's purpose behind their creation. Then I take some comfort when I think that maybe God did not design their lives that way. But then how is my life designed? Is it designed at all? Is it my responsibility to impact the world for goodness and truth? Or is it His to do through me? Who is to blame when I fail? Who is to be praised if I succeed? Can it go both ways? Can we thank God for the beautiful Arizona sunshine and excuse Him for terrible earthquakes, tsunamis, and hurricanes at the same time? Can we pray and hope for God to change our circumstances, and just assume that "it wasn't in His will" when nothing changes? What do our prayers do? What does our own self-discipline do? Does Satan rejoice at the fervent prayers of Muslims? Or Hindus, Buddhists, Jehovah's Witnesses, Catholics, Mormons, Presbyterians, etc.? How can God only be in my limited understanding of an anthology of (generally) a single people group? Can't God save those who have never heard of the carpenter's Son? Is hell a punishment, or more of an absence of reward? Well, I must go now. I have to rest up so that I can prepare to teach others, that which confuses the hell out of me.